Advertisements
 
 

Day 8 – Trigger Warning

This didn’t go where I expected it to, but it went where I needed it to. It might be a good idea to skip this one.
Triggers: Rape, abuse, abandonment

There is a tiny version of myself that lives a vibrant if silent life inside my head.

Sometimes she’s a chibi. But she’s usually just a version of myself that lives in a photograph.

Pink plaid raincoat; black hair; blue rain boots.

Today we dove into the deeper levels to find a word.

We donned a pirate patch and a tiny wooden sword.

We stalked up and down a grey green deck looking for the phrase that would help us

Stay afloat.

It was a word for desperate abandonment.

It started as a game. We just wanted a funny word. Lagan, ligan, general average sacrifice.

It was jetsam or flotsam- and we giggled uncomfortably because The Little Mermaid moved us in a terrifying way. There was something tucked in the back of our eyes- something that said, “Ursula is being violated with the ship. Ursula is being raped to death and that is why she’s screaming. Ursula took Ariel’s voice so that she couldn’t tell the truth. And the truth is that they may not have believed her anyway. Sea witches and mermaids aren’t real things.” We had a scary childhood.

We try to stay away from these thoughts because they make the tiny version of me fade. So I pick myself up and hug myself into my chest. It’s ok. Because pirates.

I fold the idea and stick it in a pocket: Disney villains, villains in general hold something important. It’s not just some whim or pretentious antithesis that I’ve adopted. Something imprinted early on that made me feel inherently wrong and thus villains were easier to identify with.

Tiny me runs up and down the deck waving the wooden sword. We’re not going down because we’ve jettisoned the cargo! Fear not crew! It is lagan and we shall return for it!

We always return for it.

 

Advertisements

~ by emberyn on December 8, 2013.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
ultimatemindsettoday

A great WordPress.com site

Deidra Alexander's Blog

I have people to kill, lives to ruin, plagues to bring, and worlds to destroy. I am not the Angel of Death. I'm a fiction writer.

8766 Days and Counting!

Let's fall in love with life. :)

Unload and Unwind

A place to talk about the past, present and thoughts of the future

Defusing Chaos

Because chaos doesn't sort itself out.

Digital Dimensions

Blog about anything related to Blogging. Post any job related to Blogging / Digital Marketing for free.

The Lazy Suzan

"I think careful cooking is love, don't you?" ~J.C.

Excuse My Truths

There is always a story.

The Bipolar Bum

Backpacking and Bipolar II. Taking Manic Depression on tour.

%d bloggers like this: